Work was not bad, other than the fact that I have bruises where no one should ever have bruises from a job. But alas.

Last night for the week. Andrew should be there tonight. Can't..wait, I guess.

Ambulance just came and got my dad. I know nothing other than that.

Hmm.

It seems this whole updating thing is coming in a once-a-week form. That wasn't really how I wanted it to go down.

It's pretty stormy out today. Raining like mad, and then there's the occasional burst thunderstorm. To be honest, the weather fits the mood of both last night and this morning. Last night was ridiculous. This morning, I'm getting a ton of attitude from people from various corners.

Last night, grocery had 3000 pieces. To anyone on GM side, that's a laughable number, I know. I've done the GM thing, I've been there with them on their awesome 4500 piece nights. Let me tell you that 3000 on grocery felt more like 5000 on GM than it did anything else. I got swamped in coffee from the start of the night, and having to go aid a co-worker who seemed to be moving at half the speed of stopped near the very end of the night just set me off unlike anything in that store ever has. I hate the can aisle. I hate busting my ass to save someone else's ass when all they're doing is sitting around with their thumb up their butt. There are a lot of references to butts in that last sentence.

I got a bit o' attitude from Nathan after work. I'd agreed to go up and hang out with him today, which I completely forgot about. He ended up bringing me home without my asking, as I had mentioned how tired I was. Cue the attitude. I'm not really holding it against him, I guess. I kinda appreciate it. Still, mildly frustrating. I ran into more attitude as soon as I came in (After dunking my foot into what seems like a small lake in front of my house. Boots will be worn tonight.) because I suppose I didn't seem interested enough in the food she was telling me about. I really can't seem to win.

Speaking of Nathan, for the amount of times he's mentioned Bizz and the paragraphs his own existence warrants from Bizz, I'd like to point out that I have never, ever had so many random females just stand and glare at me simply for being around someone. Granted, these females aren't random to Nathan, but I think that's beside the point. To take a page from Sam's book, I don't think I have enough fingers to count...

I ran into David last week at work. By ran into, I mean he and a random nameless male stalked uselessly around grocery for an unknown amount of time. David didn't say anything to me. Smirked at me a few times, but didn't say anything. Random Nameless Male waved at me..-

And that's as far as I got with this entry yesterday before Nathan came over and Bizz came home. Too bad I can't remember all the other stuff I was going to write here. Oh well.

Ever feel like you can do NOTHING right?

sdflhf everyone is going horde why haven't I

I haven't given a real update in awhile now. I'm not exhausted, and I don't really have anywhere I have to or need to rush off to, though a large part of me wants to go somewhere or do something.

I've been wanting to do that a lot lately. Run, that is. It seems like no matter where I turn, there's drama afoot. I mean, granted, in most cases the issues that are at hand are important ones. It doesn't change the fact that I am tired mentally from all of this. I really can't bring myself to WANT to be here, to deal with any of it.

Nathan wrote a rather in-detail entry the other day, noting how I compared him and Mitch. He misconstrued it, greatly, but it made me think a lot more than I figure it was intended to.

I was still thinking about it into the next night, in which he did not work. All night, people were asking me where he was. It made me realize how much of my (week)day consists of his presence, and vice-versa. Paired with his entry, something made me think that just maybe, his life would be a tad bit easier if I wasn't in it. He wouldn't second-guess the things he talked about, in fear of pissing me off. He wouldn't have to re-think his re-enlistment (There are too many re's here), and could flat out do whatever he wanted without worrying about, again, pissing me off. And knowing how he feels about me, there would be an ease on that...

When Sam came around the corner and asked me where Nathan was, I told him. I also got the line, "I think...I'm done with this job." halfway out of my mouth before I stopped myself. I need the money, and Nathan (Not to mention over half of my household) would have been angry with me if I'd just let go and given up that easily. I ended up telling Nathan that I'd damn near quit, and as I had predicted, he wasn't pleased. My mood wasn't the greatest over the rest of the night, either.

Over the course of the weekend, I didn't bother being on my PC all that much. I went out, got groceries for the house. I made dinner for the family. Hell, I baked. I watched the kids. I took Dustin, my mom, and Scott out to lunch. I bought my grandmother lunch. I don't think I even touched my phone for more than a total of ten minutes over the two day period. I spent a lot of time with Dustin, be it beating the crap out of him in Tekken, running the menial errands, exploring random, old stores, or just talking. It was...nice. It was more than nice. It was a definite change.

This week thus far, not so nice. Once again I'm back in the doghouse, or something, for that in which I do not even know the origins of. I get the "it's me, not you" (Oh, see? I changed it up) bit, of course, but that always runs into an underlying something or other that I am doing or not doing to make him...however he is. It seems like an end-of-the-week thing every week now. One complaint I know that is going to come up again (Yay, journal) is going to be what time I go to bed, or don't go to bed. Constantly am I told I should "give it a whirl", this whole going to bed earlier and getting up earlier bit. What he doesn't seem to hear, repeatedly, is that I've "given it a whirl". I did it constantly when I was seeing David. The result was Aron having to wake me up in the coffee aisle a couple of times. Hell, I tried it day before yesterday. The result was an awesome three and a half hours of sleep, total, in which I ended up going to bed later in the day anyway. I'd rather not do that again. I thought I was going to die the first few months I was working at Walmart because of my sleep habits. This seems to work.

It seems like, lately, I can't have the right answer for anyone. Someone's mad at me for something, constantly, and there is no right move to make to fix it. If there is, someone else is mad at me for fixing the issue with someone else. I cannot win for them, and I cannot win for myself. Thus, wanting to run away.

It's almost kind of sad. I walked home in the rain yesterday (By choice, mind you), and I think it's the closest thing to being at peace I have felt in a very, very long time.

Good to know there are at least two overnight managers who don't hate me/have a sense of humor!

..Yeah hi. Work dragged on way too long. D:

'Had an amazing weekend. It's surprising what life can be like when you actually shut the doors on all the problems and other bullshit for a few hours and just...relax. I'm not ready for it to end.

Closing doors is getting a lot easier. Usually is when the person demanding you do and say nothing but nice things to/for/about them is being a total bitch about everything. Whatevs. I don't have time for that anymore.

On a sidenote, my currently baking cheesecake brownies smell absolutely delicious.

I guess I get to deal with this now.

Briana Russell I should stop promising to be the supprotive friend; It's harder than it sounds. But grats for Mitch and Dustin, I guess.
7 hours ago via Mobile Texts · Comment · Like / Unlike · View Feedback (13)Hide Feedback (13)
Nathan Gurney
Nathan Gurney
I guess someone has to be happy about it..
7 hours ago · Delete
Briana Russell
Briana Russell
That's your job.
6 hours ago · Delete
Nathan Gurney
Nathan Gurney
then I fail
6 hours ago · Delete
Briana Russell
Briana Russell
Fail.
6 hours ago · Delete
Angelo Scaccianoce
Angelo Scaccianoce
o.O
6 hours ago · Delete
Briana Russell
Briana Russell
Shh.
6 hours ago · Delete
Dustin Davis
Dustin Davis
.. Why does this feel like some kind of cut at me? And I feel like I haven't even done anything to deserve it?
3 hours ago · Delete
Briana Russell
Briana Russell
It's not.
3 hours ago · Delete
Dustin Davis
Dustin Davis
Then maybe you can explain what it means. You put me in the same group as Mitch, and say I should be "happy" about you saying you're "not the supportive friend" anymore. .. What?
3 hours ago · Delete
Briana Russell
Briana Russell
Hop on MSN.
3 hours ago · Delete
Dustin Davis
Dustin Davis
Dislike this..
3 hours ago · Delete
Nathan Gurney
Nathan Gurney
pretty simple...I reenlisted. both you and mitch have complained about how close I was to bri. soon ill be out of yalls hair.
3 hours ago · Delete
Dustin Davis
Dustin Davis
The funny thing is I haven't complained.. I'm not sure how many times I've told that to Bri. I'm pretty sure I've told you personally as well. Your friendship with her doesn't bother me as much as you'd be led to believe. But, on another note..

Good luck with that, Nathan. I'm sure PT will be more like a warmup considering your current training. Regardless, be careful mate.
3 hours ago · Delete


The status update I made, at least, the last part of it, wasn't a cut at Dustin. It was actually a shot at Nathan, though not really deserved. You see, the way he told me that he re-enlisted last night was by saying, "Well, Mitch and Dustin will be happy in January." The status update was most definitely aimed at him, not...those two. I actually tried to tell Dustin this on my break, via MSN, but every message I sent to him was met with "User is offline", and the message wasn't sent.

Didn't stop the snarky note that was left for me, though. Misunderstandings seem to be the worst with us, especially when I have no means of explaining...well, anything. Whatever.

So, yeah. Nathan re-enlisted. I can't really say I'm surprised. I kind of figured he would, following one of his FB statuses over the weekend (" Nathan Gurney Is looking over the papers, waiting on the change that I fear is coming. I'm going to find the best in it all.
Yesterday at 10:21am · Comment · Like"), that I was tempted to comment and tell him not to even think about it, but... eh. Who am I to tell him what to do, or what might be best for him? I'm not. And I'm pretty sure I'm the one that told him to do what he wants to do, and not let anything hold him back.

Am I happy about it? I won't lie. No. But, what can ya do? I can be exactly what I said I should stop promising to be, the supportive friend. Like I said, I expected it. I've dealt with worse, methinks... I feel bad, really. I should be happy for him. Nothing like a Bri to rain on somebody's parade.

Meh. Ice cream is less of a comfort food than I remember it being.

I'm coming to realize that there is no way for me to make all parties happy. No matter what I say, what decision I make, whatever, someone's going to be upset, or pissed off at me.

I think I'm done trying, to be perfectly honest.

I almost want to slap the shit out of this one, but it's too ironic not to go with.

I think my belief in the concept of a soulmate tends to vary. Sometimes, I'm 100% convinced that they exist, that I've met him, and all is well. Other times, my belief is the polar opposite. It's hard to put any thought into it existing when there are such large differences between yourself and the person you may push that title upon.

..and, no. I try not to think like that, to be perfectly honest. Moving on.

I called in last night. Between two near misses with DEATH, the fact I felt like ass, the fact every part of me hurt like a bitch, and not getting any sleep, I said screw it. Called in, got my confirmation number...couldn't get any managers to pick up. Fairly certain I'm going to get written up tonight, or worse, fired. I'm prepared for the first one. The second would..sort of suck.

And before it's asked, yeah. Work blew night before last.

Dustin's here now. He showed up night before last. Already, he's got a job, working alongside my mother and all that jazz. I can't say that the thought isn't a little awkward to me, or the idea of walking in there during the day and seeing him instead of a certain other turd isn't going to be weird, but...I'll deal. A job's a job, and I'm glad he found one (a fuck of a lot) quicker than I did when I first moved here. Now, if I can keep mine, all will be well.

Tonight's going to blow (if I'm not canned). Friday is stationary night. All I can hope for is a small pallet for stationary, and them needing me elsewhere. Hopehopehope.

..Nathan gets kudos. Curve is officially 1/3 men's scents I don't hate.

Work's alright. Or..was alright, whatever. We're supposed to get freight-raped tonight so I've been told. The night went by fairly fast, and Nathan fed me again. Can't complain, really.

I dunno. I feel like crap all of a sudden. Maybe a shower'll clear my head.

"You caused him pain.. If the world is just, you have to suffer equally? You're not God, you're just another screwed up human being who needs to move on."

A couple of days ago, I got into it with Mitch again. Massively. I guess the last full-fledged entry I posted up that mentioned him set him off, and he tried to pull something to be vindictive that (had any of it been true) would have impacted mine and Dustin's relationship in a horrible way. Rather than go the usual route of trying to clear up the e-mail he sent and ignore the existence of what he did, I called him up. We fought. Loudly. I'm fairly certain my neighbors hate me now. It stung, but I prided myself on the fact that I didn't cry. For once, after fighting with him, I didn't cry. When we hung up, however, the only way I can really describe how I felt was..empty. There was no minor feeling of victory, no anger, no..anything. Just empty. I had no idea where to go from that point.

Immediately following that, as I was sitting around contemplating what step to take next, Dustin called me. After explaining what had just happened, and the full of the situation (again), he and I fought. And the waterworks started up. It seems getting yelled at by two people in one hour is too much for me.

I've been accused of not caring a lot lately. Maybe not even so much "lately" as the past few months all together. The truth is, I do care. A great deal. I may be awesome at putting up fronts nowadays, but not caring? I cannot think of a single time in my entire life when I've simply not cared. I don't even have to know the person...

I've lost a lot of friends this year. I started doing a little mental math earlier, and the loss count is almost depressing. Most of the people I lost were tremendous friends, at one point in time and in one way or another. Every single one of them was a blow that had a huge impact on me, though differently, and I just.. I don't know, really. I lost Ang, and it threw me for a hell of a loop. David got way too many tears out of me, and a lot of "Are you okay??"s at work for a few weeks. Mitch... I was so violently ill over that one, not only did work notice (Especially the first time. Heh.), my mom was horribly worried about me. There's a number of others I'm not going to bother listing. I kinda got to thinking about it. Outside of Dustin, the only person I keep around me anymore that I fully trust or even really give a damn about is Nathan. Mid-talking to him via texts earlier, I started wondering. What happens if I lose him? When I lose him, I guess I could say, given how awesome my luck with friends has gone thus far. How am I going to react to that one? How's Dustin going to take my reaction, or, heh, will he even give a crap? And of course... Then what?

I can't go back and change the past. In some of the aforementioned, and unlisted, situations, I wouldn't change them. Not for anything. The results are unfortunate, but the lessons needed to be learned. I am -so- grateful to have Nathan and Dustin in my life, though I may not see eye to eye with them....well, ever. They're both there for me, no questions asked. At least, not if they know I really need it. It's...hard to find people like that these days. I guess I really am lucky.

Work was horrible yesterday. Not at all looking forward to the week ahead. Not in the least.

My knee hurts, and has an awesome bruise under it. My ankles, both of them, are swollen and one hurts like hell. Add in the wrist pain, all the minor cuts and scrapes that burn like hell, and Nathan's random bruise, and I am a sore Bri.

Even so, tonight didn't suck. Kinda sucked, but..no much. Ended well. Here's hoping tonight sucks just as less...equally? ...

'Day went from bad, to worse, to completely fucked up.